Monday, April 02, 2007

TYBMM Journo students admitted in hospital after severe memory loss

22 mass media students from V.E.S college, Chembur reportedly diagnosed with short-term memory loss were admitted to The Smoking Taj hospital yesterday evening. The students, about to appear for their final year University exams next week, were in for a shock when they received their notes and did not remember being taught anything.

On being informed about the incident, when this correspondent called up the Prinicipal of the college, Jedi (not the Star Wars one, stupid!) she said, "The students belong to the Bachelor of Mass Media (BMM) course. It is highly unfortunate something like this happened." As an afterthought, she added, "Although I hardly see them in college, I had high expectations from them."

When asked what could have caused all of them to show this syndrome all of a sudden, she replied, "I'm yet to figure out. We're investigating the issue. Our first priority is to make sure the students recover as soon as possible."

Interestingly, BlogTheTalk has learnt that all the students are journalism students. Although college officials, including the BMM co-ordinator are tighlipped about the issue, sources said that the students complained of severe dimaag ko shot after one of the students, Arcopol Chaudhuri cracked a joke. The agony of the joke transformed into fever and soon, all the students were found unconscious on the classroom benches.

A peon, Ajay, pleading anonymity, said he was involved in a strip-tease with the class. He said, "Aksharshya, tyanchya class madhye professor nahi yaychya. Notes nahin milale, mhanoon, mula muli chidle, bhadakle and tyanchya payat gole sutle." (Blimey hell! No professor would visit their class for lectures. They did not get notes for exams. All girls and boys freaked out and their feet developed balls!)

At The Smoking Taj hospital, the students were found chanting, as if in a trance. While the doctors were busy administering saline and injections, this correspondent managed to get a few responses from some students. First up, the student who cracked the joke...
BlogTheTalk: Is it true Mr. Arcopol Chaudhuri, that this semester, you did not get enough notes and professors hardly came for their lectures?
Arcopol: I don't know. I was absent. Hey buddy.. can I tell you a joke?
BlogTheTalk: Fuck off!
Some more responses..
Bhushan: God, I don't remember a thing! All I remember is those phone calls...horrible phone calls...
BTT: What did the caller say?
Bhushan: "Bhushan... I wont be coming for the lecture today. Please inform the class!"
BTT: Which subject was this? What do you know about it?
Bhushan: Ohh gawwwd.... don't ask me. News Media Management. All I know is that Ayaz Memon loves to make you cry... (gets into Enrique mode..starts singing) ..Girish, sit properly .. Girish, why are you laughing?

Another student, Shailaja Sharma was tied to the bed, banging her head and looking heavenwards and saying, "Kya Mummy???" Suchithra Pillai, a petite figure relaxed calmly in the corner bed. She said, "I don't know what was taught. I came late for the lecture. The bus tyre got punctured."

Manali Shah, another student was heard crying in the distance over the phone, "Wazzaa...wazzaa..wazzaa.. Baba.. meri jholi notes se bhar do baba...!"

But almost every student complained about a tall thin man, sitting on top of a newspaper sheet in sagely fashion and nodding blankly across the room. His smile, they said, is the heartbreak of millions and his lectures are torture of billions.

Some more responses...

: Preeti, was full justice done to the portion of Radio?
Preeti: Shut the fuck up, OK?! That's nonsense, OK?! Get lost, OK?!
BTT: Arcopol Chaudhuri, could you tell us...?
Arcopol: I don't know, I was absent.
Prateek: Aaii shappath!!
Ashwini: Sir is scared of Sneha Shah.
BTT: Huh???
Ashwini: Yes. (Getting up, standing erect.) Sir feels Sneha knows more about the topic. So he's scared of opening his mouth in front of her.
BTT: Who is Sneha?
Sneha: (looks around wildly) Haan..Ashwini.. kay tari kaay? Nothing like that. Newspaper sheet pe baithte hain. Newspaper bolta hai, "Oh shit! Oh shit!" Toh phir, saara gyaan pichhwade se hi se nikal jaata hai.
BTT: Who is this professor?
Arcopol: I don't know, I was absent.
Prateek: Aaii shappath!!
Ayan Dutta: I can tell you. I will tell you who the professor. But you will have to give something in return. What say..lets make a deal... you give me a cute cat to gift to my girlfriend..
Anushka: (wide eyed) I will tell you.

BTT was finally told about the source by the students. Enquiries are being made into the professor's educational qualifications. It is learnt that he completed his PG Diploma from Bombay College of Journalism. His knowledge of Internet is highly confined to Yahoomail and his command over Radio is only confined to FM Rainbow. Excerpts from an interview with the professor...

BTT: My sources tell me that you are not qualified to teach the subject.
Professor: Ohhh... (looks around blankly...dissolves into a smile)
BTT: Is it true?
Professor: (continues to look around blankly...keeps smiling)
BTT: Are you dumb or what?
Professor: I choose not to answer your QUESTAN.
BTT: You can't do this.
Professor: Remember, I still have your PROZECT with me. I can flunk you.
BTT: Suit yourself. But tell me, what all did you learn about Radio and Internet when you did that PG Diploma Course?
Professor: I don't know. I was absent.