Sunday, January 09, 2011

The Bigg Boss tapes you didn't see on TV


Now that Bigg Boss is over, I thought it would be appropriate to provide transcripts from edited footage. Here's one between Hashmit Patel and Tabela Anderson, where the Bollywood actor, infamous for the Riya Insane MMS scandal, offered Tabela a role in a ‘yoga film’ that he wanted to independently produce.
Unedited transcripts below:

(Hashmit Patel and Tabela Anderson are doing power yoga on the lawn inside the Bigg Boss house. Both are moaning in pleasure, as the rest of the house inmates finish their morning chores.)

Tabela: Oooh...This feels so good.

Hashmit: Doesn’t it? That’s power yoga for you. I’m surprised you’ve never tried it before.

Tabela: Aaaaaaah...(inaudible) I think I’ve tried. Tommy once heard about yoga from some saint he met in India and there was this film called Guru, right? Even Julia is now into this Hindu thingy (inaudible)...so are you a Yoga instructor or something?

Hashmit: Almost. I also act, when some actress agrees to do a film with me. But I can best describe myself as an independent film maker.

Tabela: Oh really? What kind of films do you make? (moans, as she rubs her calf muscle)

Hashmit: You’re in luck, lady. They’re all about yoga. Lying down, stretching your body, twisting your hands, spreading your legs...(inaudible) I shoot them in India, where its hot, one is not required to wear too many clothes. Most importantly, I don’t release them on DVDs, you know. Yoga is best circulated free of cost, through MMS!

(Hashmit squishes some grass on the Bigg Boss lawn, clearly remembering a previous incident)

Tabela: Oohh...nice. But do people have mobile phones in this country?

Hashmit: Of course! What do you take us Indians for, CJ Parker?

(Both laugh out loud, looking upwards towards the sky)

Hashmit: You know, I think you’re doing this power yoga really well. Why don’t you shoot a yoga film with me! Indians love you and you wouldn’t have to do any embarrassing dhak dhak steps.

Tabela: You think I’ll be able to? After all, I’m just an amateur at this.

Hashmit: No, no...not at all. You’ll be awesome. And c’mon, you’re not an amateur, you have lots of experience! We can get evicted from the Big Boss house together...

Tabela: Well, I don’t know about that...my contract with Viagra-com18 is just for...

Hashmit: Contract? What contract? Yoga is all about contact, baby, not contract...

Tabela: (inaudible) I don’t know, do you have some prior experience at shooting yoga films?

Hashmit: Actually I won’t be shooting. I’ll also do yoga with you. My cameraman is very good, he’s the baap of all yoga film-makers!

(Dolly Bindra’s shrill voice in the background: “Baap kisko bola bey, baap kisko bola?!!”)

5 comments:

Meher S B said...

Are you serious? Is this for real? Ashmit patel is such a jerk.

Arcopol Chaudhuri said...

Meh, this conversation is between Hashmit and Tabela. Do they even exist? Of course its a fictitious tape. :)

Schizophrenic said...

LOL!

Yogesh Pawar said...

This is way too funny man!

Shoaib Ishrat said...

lol I miss this part.